


To Whom This May Concern

by epiphanies_in_wonderland



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bucket List, Character Death, Chronic Illness, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Modern Era, Mutual Pining, Road Trips, Sickfic, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-24 00:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30063537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epiphanies_in_wonderland/pseuds/epiphanies_in_wonderland
Summary: To Whom This May Concern,Hi, my name is Armin Arlert. Exactly a month ago, I was diagnosed with chronic Friedreich’s Ataxia, a rare genetic disease that causes progressive nervous system damage and movement problems. The doctors gave me 6 months to live. Out of this whole experience, I think the most ironic part was that I was diagnosed on my 18th birthday. So much for “the begging of my new life,” as my foster parents put it.With this newfound news, Eren makes it his job to get Armin to his one true dream, to see the ocean. Will they make it on time before he dies? Or even worse, will Eren be able to confess his feeling before it's too late?
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Past!Armin Arlert/Annie Leonhart
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Prologue

To Whom This May Concern,  
Hi. my name is Armin Arlert. Exactly a month ago, I was diagnosed with chronic Friedreich’s Ataxia, a rare genetic disease that causes progressive nervous system damage and movement problems. The doctors gave me 6 months to live. Out of this whole experience, I think the most ironic part was that I was diagnosed on my 18th birthday. So much for “the begging of my new life,” as my foster parents put it. I remember walking out of the hospital, Mikasa waiting for me in the car. It was a quiet ride before she asked. “So?”  
“The doctors told me I have six months,”  
Needless to say, we waited in the driveway before getting into her house, trying to find a way to explain to Eren why I was having such a hard time eating and moving without him exploding. He's not one to get mad at us, but rather at the situation. But, as anyone who knew him could tell you, that wasn’t ideal either. In the end, the two of us decided to sit down and tell him and their parents at the same time. Carla started crying almost immediately, Grisha had this look on his face as if he already knew (later we would find out he had a hunch, but never said anything out of fear he was right), and Eren sat there quietly. Eyes tearing up like his mother’s, but body frozen like his dad’s. Mikasa held my trembling hand under the table, stroking it with her thumb to reassure me. I don’t know why I was so anxious telling them, a part of me thinks it was because they are all my family, another thinks that it’s because I fear death. There’s something about being face to face with your own mortality that really starts to change parts of you that you were sure were rock solid.  
One of the reasons I was given such little time to live was because of how late I was diagnosed. My parents were killed somewhere in East Asia due to a safari incident, both of them being traveling zoologists. I was around 8 when that happened, so any symptoms I may have had were glossed over as symptoms of depression over anything else. I lived with my grandfather up until I was about 11, then he died of old age. By then I was already friends with Eren, and his adopted sister Mikasa. I lived at their house for about a month while my social worker looked for a place I could stay permanently. Eren used to throw huge fits over the fact that I couldn’t live with them, but looking back you could see how much of a struggle it was to feed the four of them. I could never be mad at either of his parents, they’ve always welcomed me with open arms whether I was living with them or not. But, because of my unstable living situation growing up, none of my foster parents ever saw anything wrong with me. In their eyes, I was just a frail child who was always grieving. I guess grief and depression can take a toll on you physically, somewhere along the line I started to believe them too. Until around two months ago, that is.  
Mikasa and I were sitting on her back porch working on homework when it happened. The two of us were waiting for Eren to get back from soccer practice so we could go and get lunch with some other friends of ours. I had to go to the bathroom, but my legs wouldn’t move. By this time, I was used to having to work a little harder than normal to get my body to do the things it’s supposed to do. But it was different. When I forced myself up with my arms, I stood for about 20 seconds before falling limp on the floor, hardly able to move any part of my body. She caught me before my head hit anything, and held me until I got the strength to sit up on my own. Her calm demeanor and gentle voice helped me stay calm, even if I was incredibly frustrated with myself. When I was able to stand up on my own, roughly half an hour later, she helped me walk into her dad’s office so he could do an at-home check-up. When Eren got home, he found me sitting on the couch crying into my hands as Mikasa rubbed my back. She’s always been like an older sister to me, I wouldn’t trade either of them for the world. After Grisha explained to Eren what happened, he sat next to us quietly and once I was composed took just the two of us out to the park instead of our original plans with Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie.  
Eren’s been a lot quieter since that day. Not that most could notice, then again not everyone is as close to him as Mikasa and I are. It’s in moments, he’ll be staring at a wall for a little too long, pause in deep thought after a conversation, or just sit still. It’s strange how not moving can be so quiet for such a lively person. He pretends not to notice my illness, not in an asshole way but he just never mentions it. I don’t mind though, after all, who would want to be reminded that their friend’s body is giving up on them slowly? But, it isn’t enough to point out, so instead, the three of us pretend like everything is normal. It’s a little weird at moments, mostly in conversations or situations involving me, but for the most part, everything was back to normal.  
There would be days sitting on Eren’s bed, playing video games with him, or trying to get him to watch the new anime I started that week which were well spent. As the three of us became more comfortable with the fact that I was going to die rather soon, Eren would slowly start to talk about my disease, from asking how I was feeling that day all the way to now, making a bucket list for the three of us to kick before my “expiration date” as he calls it. In all honesty, I really appreciate it. Sure, most of the stuff on the list is stuff he wants to do, but I find comfort in facing my own mortality head-on with the people I consider family rather than avoid it alone. And if we are being honest, I never really gave much thought to what I wanted to do with my life, naive thinking I had plenty of time to spare. It does hurt, knowing I’ll never be able to become a marine biologist like my mom. It was really the only thing I wanted for myself, just to spend life on the coast learning about all of the mysteries of the ocean, but from the looks of it, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. At this point, the most I can ask for is to spend my last couple of months surrounded by friends. After all, I don’t really think I’m in any position to be demanding. Death isn’t exactly a pushover.


	2. 1

To Whom This May Concern,  
Two months ago I was diagnosed with chronic Friedreich’s Ataxia, a rare genetic disease that causes progressive nervous system damage and movement problems. According to the doctors, I have four months more to live. My foster parents let me move in with Mikasa and Eren, at Carla’s request. I think she feels bad for not letting me move in with them earlier, but that, in turn, makes me feel bad because it really isn’t her fault at all. I dropped out of college yesterday, that was something I’d never expect myself to do. Then again, not everyone expects to be diagnosed with something that is for sure going to kill you.  
Walking, eating, and other basic functions are as hard as ever, I hate having to rely on Mikasa and Eren for anything. It makes me feel like I’m the biggest burden, no matter how many times they tell me otherwise. However-

“Armin! Come on we need to add more things to the list! I can’t be the only one contributing,” Eren grabbed my arm and jerked me away from my journal entry. His bright green eyes staring back at me with hope instantly killed any frustration I otherwise would have felt being ripped away from deep thought.  
“What?” I laughed and leaned into him for support. We walked around the mall today, Mikasa wanted to check out the new shipment of jewelry Spencer’s got, so needless to say I was exhausted when we got home. “Okay, okay! What do we have so far?” I looked down at the scribbled list he held in his hands.  
He straightens up his back and pretends to cough as if he was making some big announcement. “Try cooking a four-course meal, break at least five laws, and not get caught, including but not limited to graffiti, underage drinking, underage smoking, trespassing, and highway racing, give each other matching stick and pokes, try smoking and/or drinking-”  
“Eren half of these are illegal,”  
“Are you really going to care about the law when you’re dying?” I paused in shock, he did have me there.  
“You act like we’re dying together, you can still get arrested you know that?” We laughed together. I knew this list was stupid, and at the time thought completely unachievable, but it’s really comforting to spend time like this with him.  
“It’s your fault for not contributing anything. Making me do all the hard work. Come on there has to be something,” he whined  
“Fine, I’ll give in to your stupid list,” His warm body wrapped around me overdramatically and squeezed hard. “Ouch ow ow Eren!”  
“I’ll let go when you come up with three things,” He squeezed harder.  
“AH- ok uh, make a movie?” our laughter shook us as I tried to come up with two more random things. “Karaoke?? And uh,”  
“Better hurry!” He squeezed harder, pulling a squeak from my throat.  
“S-See the ocean!” I gasped for air when he let go, falling onto my back chuckling.  
“Hahaha- oh shit wait are you okay?” Concern snapped him out of his victory as he tuned to help me up.  
“No it’s okay I’m fine” I smiled up at the brunette above me, his eyebrows furrowed and eyes wandering as if he was looking for something I was hiding. “Seriously, I’m okay,” I said in a more serious tone, even though I knew he wasn’t going to give it up. “I’m just going to lay down like this for a bit. I’m exhausted.”  
“Hm, okay,” I felt the bed bounce under me and turned to my right, to see his face looking back at me smiling. We laid like this for a while, at one point we stopped staring at each other and looked at the ceiling instead, I think it was because Eren was embarrassed but I could have been wrong. Either way, the warmth of him next to me was enough to almost lull me to sleep, but not quiet. After a bit, right around the time I felt myself drifting off, the bed got lighter and I heard Mikasa and Eren’s voices mumbling in the hallway.  
“Mikasa, he looks fine, I’m serious,” He never knew how to whisper.  
“Still, he needs to go to the doctor. At least for a check-up,” Her voice is calm but concerned. I rolled over towards the door trying to hear what they were talking about. I wish I didn’t.  
“He’s walking and eating, he hasn’t had an accident since then! Look I know the doctors said he only has 6 months but I think-”  
“Eren…”  
“Maybe they were wrong! Doctors can be wrong-”  
“Eren!” She raised her voice, then lowered it back down regretfully. “You can’t keep pretending like some miracle is going to happen. He needs help,” The silence in the air that followed was sickening. I hated the way everyone talked about me. Some days it felt I was forced to grieve my own death prematurely, alongside them. I didn’t think it was fair. I gripped the sheets in frustration while tears formed in my eyes.  
“I just,” The crack in Eren’s voice was enough to get me crying. “I don’t want him to go,”  
“I know,” Mikasa sounded not too far from Eren’s state. “I don’t either,”  
I chose not to listen to the rest of the conversation, I felt too tired and too hurt to stay awake anyway. So instead, I took a deep, shaky, breath and closed my eyes again. Luckily, falling asleep came to me quickly, without much of a fight. 

By the time I woke up, it must have been 4 am. The sun was low enough to be dark but high enough to make out a sleepy shade of blue. I would have tried to fall back asleep, but the urge to pee said otherwise. As I tried to sit up, I noticed I was alone in Eren’s bed and immediately felt guilty for making him sleep wherever he fell asleep. I had to try and find him, knowing he most likely was downstairs on the couch. I mentally cursed at how difficult it was going to be to make my way all the way down there after just waking up, but managed to get off the bed anyway. The cool wood floor sent a chill down my spine and reminded me of how cold I was, so I stole a blanket off of his bed, wrapped it around me, and slowly made my way out of the room and down the hallway. Their house was comfortable, the kind of house where you could feel that people lived here. Although at night it could be pretty scary, all of the coats, desks, and pretty much everything looked like it was going to grab you. Up until around the two of us were 13, Eren would come to the bathroom with me in the middle of the night and vise versa. If we all slept in the living room, Mikasa would tag along too, although I doubt she was actually afraid of the dark.  
I decided to go to the bathroom downstairs since I had to wake Eren up anyway. My legs shook with the first step, desperately trying to support my body weight. I leaned up against the rail for support which helped a bit until my blanket got caught under my foot. I slipped and fell onto the hardwood floor downstairs with a loud thud, waking up a previously snoring Eren.  
“Fuck Armin is that you?” He projected, too worried to care about waking up anyone. I hushed him anyway.  
“Y-yeah,” I said with a breathy voice, everything hurt. I thought I broke my tailbone, but I didn’t. The air was knocked out of my lungs when I landed, luckily I narrowly avoided my face by bracing myself with my arms. Eren just lifted me as if I was weightless and brought me on the couch next to him. The warmth of his body pressed against mine was welcomed by my freezing skin. He’s always been so warm.  
“Are you ok? What happened, are you hurt?” One hand brushed the strand of hair out of my face while the other cupped my cheek which I subtly leaned into. At that moment I was desperate for any kind of physical reassurance, and from the looks of it, Eren was more than willing to provide.  
“Don’t worry,” my voice steadied as my breath slowly started returning to normal. “I just tripped,”  
“God I was so scared,” He pulls my back against his chest and hugs me. “Why did you get up in the first place? It’s so damn early..” the low roughness of his morning voice vibrated against my shoulders, making me both shiver and relax.  
“I had to go pee. And I fell asleep in your bed. You should,” I yawned “Go and get to sleep” I doubt my words were making any sense, but I was so tired.  
“You should have stayed up there, you know I don’t care about sleeping on the couch,” he sighed, then shifted up. “Do you need help getting to the bathroom?” Pride aside, I knew I did. I hated myself but there was no way I was getting up half asleep and not falling asleep on the toilet.  
“Yeah,” I mumbled.  
“Okay, here,” he handed me his arm and helped me down the hallway. 

About five hours later I woke up on the couch, half of my body against his. I didn’t mind the contact, the two of us have been attached to the hip since we were kids, so us being this close to the other wasn’t anything new. I shifted to stretch and yawn, waking him up.  
“Armin?” He yawned.  
“Morning,” I looked down at him, his eyes half-lidded, probably contemplating whether he was going to go back to sleep or not.  
“What time is it?” Eren sat up, leaning against his elbows, and looked back at me calmly. It was a comfortable sight, but the way he held my gaze always had a certain intensity to it that I could never pin down.  
“Uh. like nine I think?” As he propped himself up, the blanket we were sharing slid down to his torso showing his tanned, shirtless chest. My eyes widened and I turned away, feeling a blush crawl across my cheeks.  
“What?” He laughed groggily.  
“Nothing..”I stuttered, thinking of something to say. “You just have awful morning breath,” Now that wasn’t a lie, just not the reason I turned.  
“Hey, it doesn’t smell that bad-,” He put his hand up to his mouth to breathe into before Mikasa came walking down the hallway.  
“Yes, it does. Go brush your teeth,” She leaned up against the back of the couch, wearing a Metallica T-shirt and boxers. She looked different without all of her gothic makeup and jewelry, but never less stunning. Her beauty was definitely more than skin deep. You would think Eren and Mikasa were related because of this fact, but looking closely there were very distinct differences. Like his body shape and face and her skin tone and demeanor.  
“Morning Mikasa,” I looked up at her, smiling.  
“Morning Armin, how’d you sleep?” Eren grumbled and left to brush his teeth while we talked.  
“Fine, I woke up in the middle of the night but I fell back asleep pretty quickly,”  
“So I’m thinking Castro’s for breakfast,”  
“Eren it’s too early for Mexican food,” I yelled as he walked towards us stretching. It took every last bit of self-control to not let my eyes wander, which broke when he got on his knees and grabbed me by the shoulders. My eyes traveled down then back up to meet him.  
“Armin, it is never too early for Mexican food,” He shook me, smiling, but not taking his eyes off of me. My face felt like it was on fire while he scanned past my eyes looking for something I’m almost certain had nothing to do with Castro’s for breakfast. Luckily, Mikasa came to my rescue by throwing a pillow at his face.  
“If we’re going, then you’re paying,” She said, drawing his attention from me to her, letting me take a deep breath.  
“Wait but-”  
“Come on and get dressed, I’ll drive,”  
“Okay!” I bounce up, leaving Eren on the floor and walking to go grab a shirt from his room.  
When we were all in the car, Mikasa driving, me in the front, and Eren in the back, Mikasa got a phone call.  
“Yeah? Oh, nothing probably why? Yeah, I’ll ask,” She turned to me and covered the mic on her phone. “Annie’s on the phone, are we going to Reiner’s party?”  
I looked at Eren and shrugged. “Did she ask us if we’re going or you if you’re going?”  
“Well everyone knows where you go I-”  
“Do you want to go?” he asked me, my eyes went wide and I stuttered out a response.  
“Uhm, well... I” I forgot that I never told Eren that Annie and I broke up.  
“So that’s a no. Mikasa go, have fun. I’ll stay with Armin, don't worry,” She shot the two of us a look somewhere along the lines of approval and concern.  
“We’ll be okay,” I smiled, knowing she was more worried about leaving me rather than Eren. I hated the way they treated me like I was some sick puppy, even if I knew where they were coming from.  
“Yeah, I’m going. Eight? Okay cool. Yeah. Okay,” She put the phone back down and drove to the restaurant, turning on something by MCR if I wasn’t mistaken.  
“What was with the ‘i just pissed myself’ look when Annie called?” Eren pulled me aside while the three of us entered the building.  
“Right Uhm,” I rubbed the back of my neck and looked down. Honestly, I felt bad for not telling him earlier, but it was in the middle of me finding out everything so it was almost justified. “Annie and I kinda broke up… It’s been weird ever since,” I could have sworn I saw a glimmer of joy before his expression went sorrowful.  
“By broken up you mean-”  
“I mean I broke up with her.” I interrupted, knowing what he was going to say before he finished his sentence. It was something the three of us picked up as we grew older. Sometimes we’ll even collectively go somewhere without anyone having to say where, because we just became that in sync with each other. “It wasn’t that long ago though,” my voice stuttered, scared that he would get mad at me for not telling him sooner. “I just didn’t want her to be with me when, when you know,” That was half the reason, at least. The other half was because I started to feel different towards her, even before I got diagnosed. But I rationed that out with Mikasa, we both settled on the fact that death was something your body just knew, even if you didn’t. I couldn’t tell Eren that though, he hated talking about me dying and avoided it at all costs.  
“Oh,” He didn’t look pissed, he didn’t even look pitiful. In fact, I think I almost saw a smile. But before I could get a better look, Mikasa called us to the table and the three of us sat down. I was sitting here across from Eren, watching him as his eyes glossed over the menu even though he was going to order the same thing as always. It was almost comical. For a split second, his eyes locked with mine, sending a chill down my spine, before we both looked away.  
“Hi, welcome to Cisco’s, can I get you started with any drinks today?” I turned to look at the waitress then back down at the menu.  
“Can I get a coffee with cream and sugar please?” I asked.  
“I’ll have ice tea, no sugar,”  
“And I’ll have a coke. Oh, and can we get some chips and salsa too,” Mikasa and I looked at each other and laughed.  
“Of course, I’ll be right back with all of that.” She said and walked off.  
“Eren it’s not even noon,” I rolled my eyes.  
“We literally came to a Mexican place for breakfast, you should not expect anything different from me,” He shrugged, leaning back on his chair.  
“I need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be right back,” Mikasa said, getting up from her spot and leaving. “Eren you know what I like!”  
“Yeah yeah,” He waved his hands at her then locked his eyes on mine. “So,”  
“So?” I tilted my head curiously.  
“So when are you going to tell everyone else?” Shit. I knew this question was coming. I asked them to not say anything to any of our friends after I came back from the hospital just because I could barely handle the shift of attention from them, let alone everyone else.  
“I dunno, it’s just... Like,” His eyes wouldn’t leave mine, cornering me until I gave a proper response. “Don’t you think it would be easier if…” I pried my gaze away from his and looked down. It was difficult putting the way I felt into words. “Can we just talk about this later? Please?” I mumbled.  
“Armin-”  
“And here are your drinks! Are you guys ready to order?” The two of us looked at the other again, he shrugged then picked up his menu and ordered.

After ‘breakfast’ Eren hogged the toilet for what felt like an hour. I sat in Mikasa’s room watching her computer as she played a documentary about some dead religion. The afternoon was quiet but peaceful. After she picked out an outfit, I left to go and pick up where I left off on my letter last night

However, it is not like I have much of an option. The bucket list has been coming a long way. Even if I think it's ridiculous, I have to admit it is nice to see Eren passionate about something again. Speaking of Eren, he keeps pressing me on questions I don’t necessarily have an answer to. Not an answer I could articulate, anyway. He also keeps looking at me with a strange glimmer in his eyes, something unlike what I have seen before. Odds are it is something new rather than something I haven’t noticed, because I am pretty observant. I just wish I understood what his objective was if he even had one. He usually does, and when he’s set in stone about something I know he won't stop until he gets it. But I think that has been what confuses me the most because there is no visual objective. As if he is waiting for some kind of signal from me to proceed. It would be easier on the both of us if he just told me what he wanted, but he won't say anything unless I point it out. How do I even point out such a minor detail without coming across as creepy? I did ask Mikasa about it though, but she just laughed in my face and said that I would understand eventually. I hope I do, but doubt I will. Anyway, the closer I get to my death the calmer I get. Concerning? Sure, but I can’t help it. It isn’t like I have any other option anyway. Do you think I’ll be reunited with my parents and grandfather? I hope so. I’ve never been much of a religious person, even if a couple of my foster parents pressured me. But it’s in small moments like these where I wish I were. It’s the comfort I’m looking for, but I’m too far gone to allow myself to blindly believe in something with no logic or rationale behind it. That isn’t to say people who believe are stupid! Just that, it isn’t for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed! I'll be updating every Monday


	3. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, hey ‘Min come here,” Eren’s tone changed as he wrapped his arms around my shaking body. I didn’t even realize I was on the verge of tears until I was sobbing into his chest while he ran his hand through my hair. “Don’t worry, we’re going to get you there okay?” I wondered how he could promise that, but ignored the thought and focused on how warm and safe being in his arms made me feel. It was as if staying here long enough could completely erase away any problems. “I promise,” He mumbled into my hair. “Here come on, we’re going somewhere,”

**To Whom This May Concern,**

Two and a half months ago, I was diagnosed with chronic Friedreich’s Ataxia, a rare genetic disease that causes progressive nervous system damage and movement problems. The doctors say I have about three and a half months to live. Since then, Eren has been making a bucket list for him and me to complete before I die. Half of the list includes illegal activities, a quarter of the list includes things that border on unachievable, and the remaining things are a little obscure but reasonable. Most of those last things were my ideas. He says I’m not adding anything fun, but I really don’t know what I would want to do before I die while I have so little time. I spent so much of my life focused on my future, I never considered ‘what if I die tomorrow?’ So here I am I guess, living and dying a meaningless life. 

Today Eren asked if I was a virgin. I am, but the question felt so out of the blue it threw me off for the rest of that day. I told him Annie and I never did much, we made out a few times but that was about it. He laughed as if he wasn’t too, then wrote ‘lose virginity’ on the list. I rolled my eyes and went back to my book after, but I wonder if I am going to die a virgin. That's such a weird thing to think about because it isn’t like you could have sex like you could go sky diving or something. You don’t really get to choose when or where, or sometimes even with who. From what I’ve heard, it always happens in the most unexpected ways. How am I supposed to change that? 

“What ‘cha writing?” Eren leaned over my shoulder right as I shut my notebook. 

“Nothing,” I smiled and turned away from his chest to face him. “Aren’t you supposed to be at soccer practice or something?”

“Nah, I called out. I’d rather spend the day working on the list with you!” He flopped back on his bed as I turned my chair around. 

“While I do appreciate what you’re doing for me, do you really think that we are going to get everything on that list done?” He looked at me as if I said something obvious.

“I mean yeah, why else would I have suggested it?” 

“Some of the things are just unrealistic. For example, as much as I would love to see the ocean in person, where are we going to get the car and I doubt your parents would-” I paused at the mischievous grin forming on his face. “Eren, what do you have planned?”

“Me? Oh nothing much,” he snickers and sits up, leaning towards me. When I’m up this close, I can make out all of the small details of his face. The small freckles littering his nose and cheeks, the gold flakes in his glowing eyes, his crooked smile, and the dimples he almost has. He’s stunning. “I know some people,” He laughs and leans back again. “Just don’t worry about it, okay? You worry too much.”

“How can he not when his best friend is a dumbass?” Mikasa said, leaned up against the door frame. “What are you two talking about?”

“How Eren plans to-” Before I could finish my sentence, the brunette leaped up to cover my mouth, half sitting on my lap. My eyes went wide and my face heated up. I looked at Mikasa for help, but she was too fixed on Eren. 

“It’s a secret,” He whispers in my ear, just making me more confused and even more flustered. His hot breath fanned across my neck when he spoke, making me shiver. His hair whipped in my face when he turned to speak to his sister. “How I plan to beat you at Mario Kart. I can’t tell you my plan though,” I rolled my eyes and pried his hand off of my mouth. 

“So overdramatic,” I mumbled to myself.

“I swear if you’re up to something,”

“I’m not! God,” He whined and leaned back, unknowingly pressing himself closer to me. 

“Up to what?” Carla, their mom, walked into the room with a basket of laundry in her hands.

“According to him, nothing,” Mikasa shrugged. Carla walked up to the two of us and grabbed Eren’s ear, seemingly ignoring the awkward position he had me in. 

“Eren, I can tell when you’re lying. Your ears are red,” I stifled a laugh at his frustrated face. 

“I’m not-”

“Eren Yeager do not lie to your mother,” She smiles sternly, wearing a very maternal look on her face. Eren definitely had his mother’s eyes. Not in color, but the intensity and domesticated feeling of home that came with it. Maybe that last part was a little too niche to others, considering it was a very intimate feeling, but I was always embraced by it. Yet, on the other side of that coin was the brought to life If Looks Could Kill. 

“Ow ow! Fine okay! I’ll tell you guys jeez,” He pulled away from his mom and got off of my lap, making me feel both relieved and disappointed. “Just, at dinner? I need time to gather my thoughts since someone,” He glared at Mikasa “Can’t keep their mouth shut.” 

Later that night, the five of us sat at the table. Eren and I on one side, his parents on the other, and Mikasa to my right. The spotlight was on us (or Eren) and I was terrified. Not for any particular reason, I think. All I knew was he was going to pitch his parents a bad idea with unrealistic expectations, then get mad when he was inevitably rejected. Knowing this, I still sat next to him, thighs brushing together, and watched with admiring eyes as he passionately stated his idea. 

“Okay so,” He looked at me and smiled, then returned his eyes to his parents. “Armin and I have been coming up with a bucket list, and I was thinking about one of the things on it…” Now this drew my attention, considering he never explicitly told me any details of whatever he was planning. I held my breath. “And figured, if I could at least take Armin to the coast before he dies, maybe we could get the rest done on the way there,” He mumbled the last part. My cheeks flushed red as he turned to face me, and for a split second, it felt like we were the only two people in the world. “I know you don’t really take the list seriously, but I also know that your dream was to explore parts of the ocean never seen before. And if you can’t do that, the least I could do is take you there to see it yourself,” I thought to myself that he couldn’t be serious. Of course, I talked about it here and there, but I never considered he’d pay enough attention to bring it up in a time like this. 

“No way,” The two of us rip away from each other’s gaze to look at his mom. “You two are barely adults. What if something happens to Armin? It’s too dangerous.” 

“Mom-”

“Not to mention how expensive it would be. And Eren you don’t even have a car,” Mikasa and I looked at each other, which reassured me that this was not going to end as well as we hoped. 

“That isn’t fair! I don't even need your guy’s help! Armin, how much of your parent’s and grandfather’s life insurance do you still have?” I was taken aback for a second, struggling to get out an answer.

“Uhm, about $42,500 combined I think,” 

“That is more than enough for housing and food! And I already got the car covered and-”

“You are not going, Grisha back me up here,” Carla pleads.

“Eren, if something was to happen to Armin…” Eren stood up as his dad spoke, which sent the chair behind him flying and startled Mikasa and I.

“We are adults. We can handle ourselves! Fuck, when are you going to stop treating him like some kid!” My eyes widened while looking at him. Some part of me was touched that he stood up for something I never told him bugged me, but that’s what best friends are for I guess.

“As long as you are living under my roof you follow our rules,” Carla stood up too, glaring at her son in silence till Eren shoved the table and turned around.

“Fine, fuck!” He yelled, storming up the stairs. I got up to follow when she grabbed my arm.

“Armin, you understand. Don’t you?” Her eyes were gentle when she talked, which shouldn’t have made me as mad as it did. But I’ve never been one to lash out, so instead, I just nodded silently and followed Eren with Mikasa behind me. He was right, we weren’t children anymore. It was one thing to be worried but a completely other thing to baby someone just because they’re weaker than you. Frankly, I was pretty content with Eren standing up for me the way he did. It felt nice. 

“Stupid fucking, ugh. I don’t need shit from you I’m an adult I can-”

“Hey Eren, you okay?” We walked in on him talking to himself while stuffing a bag full of what looked like clothes and shoving stuff underneath his bed. 

“Eren what are you doing?” Mikasa asked. 

“Nothing! God, I’m just cleaning,” He lied, I could tell by the way his ears turned red at the tips. A little trick I picked up around middle school. “Armin, can you help me?” 

“Uh yeah, sure,” Puzzled, I walked across the room to help pick up the trash we left over the last couple days of playing video games and binging a new anime I started. 

“Unless you want to help clean up food that's days old, I would leave,” Eren looks up from his crouched position at Mikasa, then back down, “I mean it isn’t like I’m opposed to you helping,” 

“Are you going to tell me the real reason you’re cleaning?”

“My room is gross Mika, I don’t need mom getting on my ass for another thing,” She rolled her eyes and left, probably knowing that he was lying too, shutting the door behind her. 

“How much longer do you have?” He said through gritted teeth.

“Four months, if I’m lucky,” I was quiet when I spoke. As if I didn’t want him to register the fact that I won’t make it to see his 20th birthday. I won’t get to see his or Mikasa’s kids. I won’t ever get to grow old and tell stories about my crazy college experiences or have a 21st birthday. It wasn’t fair. I was going to die with no story worth telling.

“Hey, hey ‘Min come here,” Eren’s tone changed as he wrapped his arms around my shaking body. I didn’t even realize I was on the verge of tears until I was sobbing into his chest while he ran his hand through my hair. “Don’t worry, we’re going to get you there okay?” I wondered how he could promise that, but ignored the thought and focused on how warm and safe being in his arms made me feel. It was as if staying here long enough could completely erase away any problems. “I promise,” He mumbled into my hair. “Here come on, we’re going somewhere,” 

“Wh-what..” I sniffled and looked up at him, my vision coming in and out of focus before I eventually gave up on trying to look at his face, turning back into his chest.

“Are your eyes doing the thing again?” He asks softly. This was another symptom, one of the less painful but just as inconveniencing.

“Yeah,” I hated how weak I sounded, but was lucky I could still form coherent words (yet another symptom).

“Okay, we can stay here until you have more energy.” Sometimes his kindness made me feel like the only person in the world, and at other times like I was the most undeserving of it. Sure, it was my own inner turmoil that made me feel that way, not him, nevertheless I still stung of guilt. As if he read my thoughts, Eren helped me up, sat me on the bed beside him, and turned on his T.V. “You don’t have to focus, I’ll describe what it looks like ok?” I looked at him confused, but the only response I got was my head being pulled back to his chest and the familiar blue hues of my favorite ocean documentary rolling over my eyes.

“Are you ready to go?” Eren turns to me putting his jacket on. 

“Yeah, just let me find my glasses,” I looked around while putting on my shoes. “Where are we going anyway?”

“I dunno, I just wanted to get out of the house.” He said, opening the window. “Park?”

I shrugged “Sure,” 

When we got to the sidewalk, the dim lights and cool air made for a relaxing atmosphere. The park Eren was talking about wasn’t too far, it was one we used to play at a lot in elementary school. So as we approached the old swing set the two of us used to play on, I was flooded with old memories of the two of us. 

“Do you remember when you tried to stand up to that bully for me and got your ass kick?” I turned to him chuckling. 

“God don't remind me. You know, just sitting there and taking it didn’t help your case either,” He playfully shoved me.

“I knew I was better than them! I just also felt like I never needed to prove it. Also, it isn’t like I stood much of a chance against them anyway. They were easily twice my size,” 

“Tch, whatever,” The two of us laughed into the silent air, enjoying how long ago that all seemed.

“Hey, you never did finish telling me what was on the list,” We sat down at one of the benches, Eren on the table and me on the seat.

“Right! Okay so,” He pulled out his phone. “In no particular order we have: go to the ocean; try alcohol and pot; make a movie; karaoke; lose your virginity,” I rolled my eyes “go to a strip club; spend the night in an abandoned house, trespass, car surfing, and skinny dipping,” 

“So what _ was _ this big plan of yours?” He looked down at me and smiled.

“Not was,  _ is.  _ Don’t tell me you really thought I was going to give up that easily,”

“Less thought, more hoped,” I mumbled to myself, earning a grimace from him. “Go on,”

“So, we use that money you were going to use for college and spend it all on the trip. You know my half-brother, Zeke right?” I nodded “Well he said that he would sell his old car to me for $900, but after I explained what we would be using it for he just said I could have it,” He paused “I didn’t tell mom and dad that part though. For some reason, my dad doesn’t like me and Zeke talking. Something about ‘leaving things in the past’ I guess,” He shrugged then shook his head, getting back to the main point. “Anyway, I already have housing down for about 3 stops. When we get to California though it's a little blurry,” 

“California?” I was awed. How much did he spend planning this? “Where are we staying?” 

A grin spread across his face. “First stop, Colorado,” I tried to think of what could be in Colorado, then dropped my jaw when I realized. Not what,  _ who. _

“No way, we’re visiting Jean and Marco?!” A gasp escaped from my lips while he laughed at my reaction.

“Yeah, it took some convincing on Jean’s end but luckily Marco was super excited for the two of us to visit,” At first I paused. I didn’t want to make Jean feel uncomfortable by staying at his place, but before I could finish my thought Eren cut me off. “It isn't that Jean doesn’t want us there, don't worry. He was just ticking me off,” 

“Of course he was,” I rolled my eyes. The two of them have always been at each other’s throats. It was pretty refreshing being reminded of this. Jean and Marco moved last year to Colorado State to pursue whatever they are after, I couldn’t quite remember. However, I do remember the goodbye party we threw for both those two along with Ymir and Historia, who moved to Nevada together so Historia could pursue her career as a child protective service agent. 

“I’m serious!”

“Mhm,” 

“Ugh whatever,” He huffed. “Wanna walk back?”

“Why did we even come here in the first place?” I giggled, earning a stifled laugh from the brunette. 

“Honestly, I can’t even remember.” 

“C’mon, it’s getting cold,” 

A week later I woke up on Eren’s bed to yelling downstairs.

“You know how I feel about you talking with him Eren!” The first voice said. It was most likely his father.

“Why does it even matter?! He was the one who contacted me,” That was definitely Eren’s voice.

“Goddammit Eren, why can’t you just listen to your father for once?!” 

“That is  _ not  _ fair when he-” I put in earbuds, tried to drown out the yelling, too exhausted to care or be worried, rolled over, and fell back asleep. I had a really nice dream that night. 

_ “Hey, Armin?” _

_ “Hm?” I turned around from my station to look at Mikasa.  _

_ “When do you think we’ll get back to land? I’ve been dying to touch some grass,” _

_ “Soon I think! In an hour or so from the looks of it,” She smiled. _

_ “Should we wake up Eren now or…” I shook my head and leaned back on the table, pushing my glasses up my nose. _

_ “No, he should probably sleep. We were up pretty late trying to figure out what were shells and fossils,” We turned to see Eren snoring on our makeshift dining room table. We didn’t have much room on the boat the three of us were on, considering that my original plan was to go alone, but it wasn’t even a price to compare to having the two of them here with me.  _

_ “How’re you feeling?” She turned to me. _

_ “Honestly? Amazing. It’s a miracle that the treatment is working,” A few years ago we found a volunteer group that was signed up to help figure out treatment plans for rare diseases. Something about injecting active stem cells into our bone marrow. _

_ “I’m really glad ‘Min. We were both so scared of losing you,”  _

_ “Yeah, but look at us now. I’m glad I get to live out these next couple of years with you guys.” _

_ “What are you guys talking about?” Eren stirred awake, his brown hair flying in all directions while his groggy eyes met mine with intensity. “Morning,” Mikasa and I laughed at his dazed state. Everything felt so right at that moment. The sway of the boat was comforting, the smell of salt in the air as the warmth of the sun threw itself over our kitchen floor. Everything just felt so right.  _

_ “It’s noon,” Mikasa snorted.  _

_ “And?” He sat up, shirtless, and walked past me to reach the coffee machine. “You guys want any coffee? _ Armin, _ you look like you  _ wake up, _ ” I tilted my head at the weird shift in tone, but brushed it off.  _

_ “I’m okay, I don’t want to be all shaky when we get back to our house,” He stepped closer and put his hands on my shoulders, the warmth feeling sending chills down my spine. Everything from his touch started to feel overwhelmingly intense.  _

_ “ _ Armin,  _ seriously just let me pour you a cup.  _ Wake up,”  _ The boat started to rock really fast, and whatever the opposite of flowy is. I looked around concerned.  _

“Armin. Hey, Armin wake up,” 

“Mmmhm I don’t want any coffee Eren,” I mumbled, suddenly realizing that I was not on a boat, but on his bed being shaken awake. “W-what?” I yawned and rubbed my nose looking up at him. He shook his head and turned away.

“J-just, get dressed.” He stuttered. “We’re leaving. I already packed your stuff and threw it in the car.” I wondered what he was talking about, but was forced to get up as he dragged me off the bed and gave me his jacket, and helped put on my shoes. “It’s cold, so there are blankets in the front seat. You can go back to bed when we start driving,” I felt my body being led down the stairs and out the front door with little hesitation, too tired to fully comprehend what was going on. 

“Hmmhm, okay,” I mumbled into his arm, extracting as much warmth from his body as I could until he helped me into my seat, where I fell back asleep instantaneously. 

I cannot believe Eren just stuffed me in his car and took off without telling anyone. Didn’t realize what happened until I woke up sweaty with the sun shining in my face, a crook in my neck, and 5 missed calls from Mikasa along with 2 voicemails. I didn’t even have any words when I woke up this morning. Honestly, the mix of shock, surprise, and absolute confusion I feel right now are indescribable. I yelled at him when I woke up, and now I’m ranting to whoever is going to find this after I die about my dumbass friend who can’t take no for an answer. Ever. I’m not a very angry person, I’m not even angry right now; I’m just frustrated. But who wouldn’t be if they fell asleep at home in bed and woke up 4 hours away from where you live in a different state with a dumbass singing along to whatever shitty song is on the radio and sweat covering your body from the multiple blankets you are wrapped in. 

Now that I am a little calmer, I can actually appreciate the thought behind his actions. And he really did pack everything. From my phone charger to clothes to the notebook I a, writing in right now. I just feel bad about leaving his whole family behind without a word. We’re stopping at a gas station soon, so I’m going to call Mikasa back and get a coffee there to help wake me up. I’m still in a daze about the events that took place last night, this morning? I have no clue. I do know that we are getting to Jean and Marco’s place soonish, so I’m happy about that. Eren does seem to be in a pretty good mood himself too. He even ruffled my hair when I woke up and rolled down the window when he saw I was overheating, without me having to ask. Despite all of the confusion, I am genuinely happy to be spending these couple of weeks with him, and I’m sure we’ll make it back home before I pass. I just need to let myself relax now. Let Eren have control, even if that thought alone sounds like the worst out there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, thank you so much for reading, kudos and comments are always appreciated. I'll try to stay on schedule and update every week, but between school, work and some family stuff going on there might be a couple of late updates here and there, but I already have the outline of this story and don't plan on abandoning it any time soon!

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh, if you stumbled across this fic thank you so much for reading. I plan to update every week, so hopefully, you enjoyed it enough to stick around. This chapter and the next are a little slow, but I promise when it picks up you won't regret reading!


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